He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
