Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
