I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
