I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
accomplished twins. life is a go
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
