I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
