i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
