Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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