we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
