Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
