He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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