Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
try to milk me bitch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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