nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
