White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ugly people sure do ruin things
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
