Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
