I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think i got beer on your cat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
