but the lizard people decide everything anyway
worst night to have a conscience
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize