your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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