I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize