it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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