just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What drink are we having for lunch?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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