I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
