You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
