I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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