And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
