I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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