There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
