I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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