I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize