Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So many bounce houses so little time
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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