How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
