you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
