Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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