I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
