I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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