sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
