I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
