Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
