u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
