I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
