I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
