She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
