I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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