does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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