do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
