She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
