You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
