I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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