We named our party play list daddy issues
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
