I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
