watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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