I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
