weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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