I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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