oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
