At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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