I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
