Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
