Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
