my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
