rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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