Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
