I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
