The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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